I stood at the mouth of my den and watched. The fresh and cool air filling my lungs only heightened my sense of hunger. How long has it been since my last feeding? One moon? Two? There is no way to know for sure… My belly felt hollow, yet my stomach churned trying to remember what it was like to be full. I saw the wolf, but he didn’t see me. I saw the deer, but she didn’t see me either.

The wolf hid in the tall grass, stalking, following each and everyone one of the deer’s moves. The deer grazed with it’s young by her side, unaware. Her doe eyes focused solely on the grass, chopping leisurely. Her body acted as a magnet, keeping her fawn nearby, in what she thought was safety.

All at once, the energy shifted. The calm of the plains was replaced by a swift fury. The wolf’s paws pounded the dry, thirsty ground leaving dust clouds in his wake. The deer alerted and began to take large pouncing strides, but it was no use. The wolf darted towards the fawn, determined. His mouth opened slightly in anticipation. The wolf’s sharp teeth jutted out from his jaw as he sprinted. The fawn struggled behind his mother. The first rule of the plain is “Don’t look back”, we learned this as kits, most animals do. The fawn, perhaps too young or too ignorant broke this simple rule. His thin neck whipped around every four strides. I could feel the rhythm of the run slowing and the pulse of fear settling in.

We made eye contact as the wolf’s incisors sunk deep into his hind. His gaze reminded me of my brother’s, when he was stolen by a hawk in our youth. All four of us sat and watched as he was carried away. His eyes, just like the fawn’s, seemed blank, as though the rush of fear paralyzed them.

In this moment, the wolf was more alive than any of us. The fawn’s body fell to the ground, and the wolf placed a paw on his thigh. He then proceeded to rip through the young ones flesh. Warm blood trickled down his mouth, staining his teeth and settling into his scruff. The wolf scarfed down the meat of the leg and moved to the stomach. The fawn’s bloated belly was popped in one bite and the wolf slurped up his intestines. You could tell he was content, but his body was still tense with purpose.  He paused to look at the horizon and then made haste toward the sunrise.

Even though the fawn, in its death, had evoked memories of the past, memories of my kin and my childhood, I don’t regret what happened next.  If there is anything I learned from my brothers death it is that wallowing in guilt and fear will not get you anywhere.  Everyone dies; it’s the simplest fact of all. There is no way to determine the time or place of your death, so you must trudge forward… Never looking back.

I trotted out from my den and took a second to further scope out the scene. The land was clear. The only animal to be seen was the fawn’s mother, but she posed no threat to me.  I scampered over to the carrion, still warm with life, and examined it. I nudged my head into the slum where his stomach used to be and pushed forward towards his sternum. There was a loud cracking noise and I quickly surfaced. Using my paw as an aide to my mouth, I dug into his chest and ripped out his heart. Fright nipped me and I dropped it on the earth. I could feel the echo of his heart, the rhythm of his life pounding in my mouth. I swallowed that feeling, took the heart and drug it back to the den. Once I had devoured the heart, I curled up over the crimson stained ground and fell asleep.

The next evening I woke up to the sound of a feathers and the smell of fear. The noise seemed to coming from right out side my den. I sprung up, placed my front paws square in front of me and let my weight fall back. I closed my eyes as my head collapsed between my legs lingering in a half sleep. I shifted my weight back and became balanced. Perking my ears, I drifted towards the opening of the den. There was the smell of fear, but also something else, something I couldn’t pin point. It was foreign. The bird looked confined…. an easy target. I lunged at it, body tensed and mouth ready, but my landing was off. Instead of earth under my paws I felt something cold and hard. I heard a slam; confused I swiftly turned around and headed for my den. My head slammed into the same cold, hard my paws meet earlier. I could see my den, the blood blemished floor, but couldn’t make it back.  I pawed profusely at the obstruction, but it was no use. I pushed my nose into a corner and settled down, my straining eyes still holding the den in view. I whimpered as they carried away.

My life is very different now. I have no reason to dig, but I still do. I no longer have a reason to hunt, but that doesn’t stop me. My person has given me all I could ask for. She feeds me, she provides me shelter, and she nurtures me. I don’t think its guilt that keeps her doing these things. You can tell she was sad to extract me from my homeland, but she genuinely cares for me. Her smile and gentle touch reassure me that I am here for a purpose. I am not the only fox here. There is another. Our person calls him Kajika[I]. I am called Nadie[II].

There has been a large population decline in swift foxes over the years. “Historically, the swift fox’s range extended from central Alberta, Canada, southward through the Great Plains to west-central Texas. By 1978, the species was declared extirpated in Canada, and by 1990, it was gone from 90 percent of its historic U.S. range.”[III] Our mission is to reverse this trend and to revitalize the species, and hopefully Nadie and Kajika can help.

Nadie came to our endangered animal center when she was about four years old. She and Kajika were our first swift foxes at the shelter. I think they have adapted pretty well, Nadie especially. I have formed a strong bond with her.

I remember my grandfather talking about his spirit guide when I was six. He said that the bear had helped him through many adversities. As he spoke, I recall feeling perplexed by the notion. How? I wondered. How can an animal guide you? How can you communicate with a bear?

Living on the reservation is odd. I feel both strongly tied to the Sioux tribe, but also disconnected, as though I merely honor the past and bother not to live the culture. I’ve lived in the Fort Peck Reservation[IV] in eastern Montana my entire life.  It’s different than it was, or so I’ve heard. We have convenient stores and cell phones now…. Most of the culture is but a memory, a sort of legend that we play out at festivals or holidays. It wasn’t until I began working on the Swift Fox conservation project that I felt deeply connected to my roots and the world around me.

Nadie has taught me so much in the last few months. She speaks to me through her actions. So much of her, I now sees in myself. The thing that amazes me most about the fox is the balance she creates. She is both persistent and patient, fierce and playful, outgoing and aloof. Her instincts guide her gracefully through situations of strife and with her intuition she can sense what is to come.

According to Steven Farmer, the author of “Power Animals: How to connect with your Animal Spirit Guide” the fox’s slyness that I seem to identify with comes out of having to navigate a “significant trauma”[V] in my early years. Although I wouldn’t describe my childhood has “traumatic”, certain circumstances made me grow up faster than the average kid . Farmer says that this slyness is evolving into a “wily instinctual intelligence and very sharpened senses” as I age and progress past the trauma. I hold this to be true. As each day passes, it is more and more apparent that I make every decision based on observations. In social situation, especially when thrown into a new group, I am first quite. I listen, observe, follow, then match the auras around me. I’ve always found this balance to be important.

The swift fox teaches me to use my traits correctly and with intention. Shape shifting allows her to easily adapt, “attracting other with [her] charm and intuitively sensing how to act”. But she is not always social.  She can easily drift into the background camouflaging herself, able to “observe unseen, taking it all in and keeping it to herself”[VI]. Using the fox as my power animal I can adapt and portray myself “ as whoever [I] need to be in a given interaction”. I learn to fit in, not out of desperation or desire to be accepted, but because it makes others comfortable and I “take an active intreset in the feelings of those around” [VII] me.

I am proud to have the Swift Fox as my guide. I’m thankful to Nadie for helping me “to recognize subtle things in life”[VIII] and guiding me to my spirit animal. Her keen eyesight reveals how I can potential see beyond the present situation, and use reason based on my own observations to solve problems. With her guidance I’m learning that actions speak louder than words and listening is far more important than words.

Word Count: 1,658 Word Count Without Quotes: 1,570

[I] Kajika is a Mesquaki Indian name for “walks without sound”

"Fox Names." War Paths 2 Peace Pipes. Accessed September 30, 2014. http://www.warpaths2peacepipes.com/native-american-indian-names/fox-names.htm.

[II] Nadie is a Mesquaki Indian name for “wise”

"Fox Names." War Paths 2 Peace Pipes. Accessed September 30, 2014. http://www.warpaths2peacepipes.com/native-american-indian-names/fox-names.htm .

[III] "Swift Fox." Endangered Wolf Center. Accessed October 1, 2014. http://www.endangeredwolfcenter.org/educational-resources/swift-fox/# .

[IV] "Basic Facts About Swift Foxes." Defenders of Wildlife. Accessed October 1, 2014. http://www.defenders.org/swift-fox/basic-facts .

[V] Farmer, Steven. Power Animals: How to Connect with Your Animal Spirit Guide. Carlsbad, Calif.: Hay House, 2004.

[VI] "The Fox." Power Animals Unleashed. Accessed October 1, 2014. http://www.poweranimalsunleashed.com/power_animal_013fox.htm.

[VII] "Fox - A Message from One of Our Spirit Animals." Spirit Animal Totems. Accessed October 1, 2014. http://spirit-animals.com/fox/.

[VIII] "SPIRIT GUIDES - Part II." Manataka American Indian Council. Accessed September 30, 2014. http://www.manataka.org/page236.html .

Media Citations

1. Swift Fox on the Plain:http://esrd.alberta.ca/fish-wildlife/wild-species/mammals/wild-dogs/images/GFX-Swift-Fox-01.jpg

2. Wolf Running: http://www.iyufera.com/data/photos/708_1wolf_female.jpg

3. Caged Swift Fox: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b8wb59YvhOo/U6mu29_np3I/AAAAAAAABQc/hkJswX_gHvU/s1600/10501281_10100961684665012_964369054_n.jpg

4. Section Shifter - http://thegraphicsfairy.com/wp-content/uploads/blogger/-LwnQikLmB-E/Tzaia-ABtqI/AAAAAAAAQi4/Nq9ufh5n2NU/s1600/fox%2Bvintage%2Bimage%2BGraphicsFairy002.jpg

5.  Fort Peck Tribes:http://www.billings.k12.mt.us/literacy/mont_indian/ftpeck.jpg

6. Up close :http://proof.nationalgeographic.com/2014/09/26/michael-forsberg-moving-slowly-to-capture-the-swift-fox/

7. Swift Fox Kits: http://mynarskiforest.purrsia.com/ev26b.jpg

Swift Fox Alert: http://proof.nationalgeographic.com/files/2014/09/SWF_20100724_141.jpg