B. Dawn Purser

Bump E320M

April 8, 2004

Dawn in UT-land

“Alice was getting very tired of sitting beside her sister on the bank, and having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, ‘and what is the use of a book,’ thought Alice, ‘without pictures or conversations?’” (Caroll 11)

I came to the University of Texas at Austin to find “pictures and conversations.” I spent the later years of my high school career bored with “nothing to do.” I chased my white rabbit, my boyfriend, all the way into the rabbit hole that is UT knowing nothing about it, “never once considering how in the world [I] was to get out again” (12). I did not know what to expect from UT, just as Alice had no idea what lay ahead of her. I made my decision impulsively and in the flighty pursuit of a curious creature.

I entered the foreign world of the university a young, naïve girl with little preparation for the life adjustment she would be forced to make as a college student. Timid, mystified, and without any notion of what to expect, I downed the bottle labeled “drink me” and plunged into life as a student at the University of Texas.

Unfamiliar faces gather in both Alice’s world and my own…

My first day as a longhorn left me feeling small enough to easily pass through the tiny door Alice encountered at the bottom of the rabbit hole. The campus loomed ahead of me, its buildings rising tall and unfamiliar. Each window stared back at me like the mysterious objects on the shelves that lined the rabbit hole walls. Beyond campus, downtown city atmosphere stretched further than my eye could see, similar to the walls that closed in on Alice. Unlike the familiar halls of my high school, the streets and pathways teemed with the strange faces of students who all seemed different from me. If I had a question, I asked the plain-faced, quiet girl in my philosophy class. For advice, I had relied on my heavyset, brooding roommate.

Alice turned to “a queer looking party” of animals for help after her sodden blunder, and soon becomes comfortable with the mouse and birds. I also fell in with a crowd. While many of my new friends were much different from myself, I learned about their backgrounds and personalities and soon felt much more at ease.

“’It was much pleasanter at home,’ thought poor Alice, ‘when one wasn’t always growing larger and smaller…I almost wish I hadn’t gone down that rabbit-hole—and yet—and yet, it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what can have happened to me! When I used to read fairy tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!’” (39)

A UT student rests on the South Mall lawn much like the red king snoozes in the forest

Life at the university was strange and often difficult when I first tumbled into it. The people were different, the surroundings intimidating, and the situations volatile. At times I felt myself wanting to climb back up into familiar territory, but at others I relished the feeling of living that “fairy tale” that is the “college life.” I grew larger with each test I passed, with each friend I made, and with each trek across campus I successfully completed. Soon, the strange, unfamiliar building became the Union, the PCL, and Parlin Hall. The new, strange people became people I could turn to for smiles and support. I grew comfortable with the crowded lawns and free-spirited student body—my own life sized chess-board. “Oh what fun it is! How I wish I was one of them!” (163)

The students at UT are one with the campus. At any time during the day and all over campus I encountered people playing, talking, studying and sleeping. This atmosphere differed greatly from the high school campus I had come from; a place from which students flee the moment the final bell rings. However, there were times I grew smaller—often resulting in exclamations similar to Alice’s, “I do wish I hadn’t drunk quite so much!” (39)

While young men snacking on a Wendy’s meal is a much more common occurrence at UT, the giant caterpillar smoking the hookah of Alice’s world is not so far off…

“’Who are you?’ said the Caterpillar.

Alice replied, rather shyly, ‘I—I hardly know, Sir, just at the present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then’” (47).

During my own times of confusion, I sought the counsel of the priest at my church. Like Alice’s caterpillar, he asked me who and what I considered myself to be. Like Alice, I did not know how to reply. One spends four years in high school creating a persona, routine, and niche in their surroundings, only to have each of those things overturned in college. I knew who I was when I woke up, but after so much change I was no longer sure. Alice complained of “being so many different sizes in a day” (48). During my first semester at UT, I experienced different races, different political views, and different religions first hand. I walked through campus much like Alice trekked through Wonderland, attempting to adapt and adjust to all of the new situations. Alice talked to “mad” cats perched in the branches of a tree; I encountered squirrels so tame one could feed them by hand. While the cat seems friendly, Alice’s notices its teeth, claws and questionable demeanor. I also am not totally comfortable with the squirrels given their wild nature and erratic movements.

“’Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’

‘That depends on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat” (65).

The Cheshire cat advised on which direction to walk and what to expect. Soon I learned that if I walked North, I would see the Engineering buildings. If I walked South, I arrived back home at Dobie. I gradually learned how to shape my own actions to generate different outcomes. Alice had to master eating the correct foods at the correct time to achieve a desired size. I learned the amounts I needed to study in order to achieve a desired grade. While so many things had at first seemed backwards, like the White Queen explains to Alice, I adjusted and life at UT began to straighten out in my mind. As a student at the University, I could not constantly ask others where to go or base all of my actions on their advice. I learned how to make my own decisions. I certainly could not rely on the campus squirrels for counsel.

The Cheshire cat grins down at Alice, much like this squirrel gazes down at passers-by…

Biology class was my “mad tea party.” My professor’s Lectures left me as mystified as Alice was by the Hatter’s unconventional watch. Each test could be likened to the riddle for which Alice had no answer. My professor’s behavior was as objectionable as the Hatter’s rude comments and her teaching style as bewildering as the Hare’s dunking his watching in tea. The most frustrating aspect of both Alice’s tea party and my experience in biology was the state of oblivion the Hatter, the Hare, and my professor all insisted on living in. Not one of the strange events ever seemed out of the ordinary to them. After one semester in such a class I shared Alice’s reaction to her encounter with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare: “At any rate I’ll never go there again!” (78)

“…wandering up and down, and trying turn after turn, but always coming bac k to the house, do what [Alice] would” (156).

As a young college student, I began to feel quite grown up and invincible. I gained confidence in all aspects of my life, but no matter how independent I told myself I had become, I still could not leave behind my roots. I still depended on my parents for financial and moral support, and in the face of any problems, I was always led home. Alice is in search of her garden, but no matter what she does, she is always led back home. Perhaps she is not ready to move on to a new, mysterious place, just as I was not ready to truly be self-sufficient.

Tweedledum and Tweedledee at UT? (Note: These are not the actual professor and TA I am referring to in my account)

In my second semester at UT, I came a across a professor and a teaching assistant who resembled Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Constantly quarrelling with each other and the students over classroom protocol and work procedures, I left the class exasperated each day. Papers must be turned in with a cover sheet and personal information typed in the lower left hand corner. Students may not address the professor before or after class but must wait until office hours commence. After her encounter with the finicky pair, Alice exclaimed “she had never seen such a fuss made about anything in all her life—the way those two bustled about…” (191).

By the end of my freshman year I was playing croquet with the queen. I had met so many new people I could not keep track of them all. I found myself buried in exams, projects, and responsibility; smothered like Alice underneath the pile of card-men. My professors became my executioners. I felt that one small slip or fall on one of my tests would bring my whole grade down. I finished the year in fear of hearing the queen below, “Off with her head!” (87)

I found peace after finals, and like Alice, made it through my time of turmoil alive and ready to move on to a new adventure. Alice wakes up from her adventure in wonderland is if the entire experience was a dream. Her sister reflects on how Alice will someday “be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood; and how she would gather about her other little children and make their eyes bright and eager…” (127). Looking back on my two years of college, I feel as if much of it carries the same dream-like quality that bemused Alice when she woke up. Like Alice’s sister, I also look forward to the future. I hope to carry my memories with me and excite the children I will teach as an elementary school teacher.

Works Cited:

Carroll, Lewis. The Annotated Alice. New York: W. W. Norton and Company, 2000.

Word Count: 1797