SCRIPT FOR TEA PARTY 2011

Advice from a Caterpillar

[We see a Caterpillar smoking a pipe, perhaps as a caricature of a college professor. Alice is standing before him, looking puzzled.]

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PROFESSOR: “Perhaps the primary question you will have to answer when you get to college is the Caterpillar’s first question, Who Are You? College gives you the opportunity to become a new self. How much you change is up to you, but you will “change several times,” as Alice puts it. It can seem like changing the size of your body over and over again.

CATERPILLAR STAGE DIRECTION: the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.

CATERPILLAR :`Who are you?'

ALICE: `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

CATERPILLAR :`What do you mean by that?' `Explain yourself!'

ALICE:`I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir,' `because I'm not myself, you see.'

CATERPILLAR :`I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.

ALICE:`I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly, for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'

CATERPILLAR :`It isn't,'

` ALICE:Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' `but when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you?'

CATERPILLAR :`Not a bit,'

ALICE:`Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' `all I know is, it would feel very queer to me.'

CATERPILLAR :`You!' `Who are you?'

NARRATOR: Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's making such very short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely,

ALICE: `I think, you ought to tell me who you are, first.'

CATERPILLAR :`Why?'

NARRATOR: Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.

CATERPILLAR :`Come back!' `I've something important to say!'

NARRATOR: This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.

CATERPILLAR :`Keep your temper,'

ALICE: :`Is that all?'

CATERPILLAR :`No,'

NARRATOR: Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms, took the [pipe] out of its mouth again, and said,

CATERPILLAR :`So you think you're changed, do you?'

ALICE:`I'm afraid I am, sir,' `I can't remember things as I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!' ******

CATERPILLAR :What size do you want to be?'

ALICE:``Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' `only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'

CATERPILLAR :`I don't know.

NARRATOR: Alice said nothing: she had never been so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.

CATERPILLAR :`Are you content now?' `

ALICE: “Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind,; `three inches is such a wretched height to be.'

NARRATOR: the Caterpillar angrily reared itself upright (it was exactly three inches high)

CATERPILLAR :`It is a very good height indeed!'

ALICE:`But I'm not used to it!'

NARRATOR: And she thought to herself,

ALICE: `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!'

CATERPILLAR :`You'll get used to it in time,'

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PROFESSOR: “In addition to the theme of changing, two other topics have been introduced. The first is how different college education is from high school. Alice said, “I'm afraid I can't remember things as I used to.” As we shall see, this usually leads to her trying to recite something she memorized, but it comes out greatly changed now that she is in college. For example, when the Hatter tries to recite “Twinkle Twinkle little star” it comes out rather differently.

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The other theme is how to deal with the extraordinary diversity there is in college, especially at this university. Alice said, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so easily offended!' How to accept differences and not offend others is the first step.”

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New themes are about to be introduced at the Mad Tea Party.

The first is the necessity for time management in college, as in the business world. We meet the Dormouse who is like the student who sleeps through class because he has been up all night, probably partying rather than studying. Later the creatures reveal that they all have poor time management in their treatment of the watch, the clock, and Time itself. Finally, we learn that if they do not treat Time well the Queen of Hearts will say “Off with his head.” In other words, the university administrator may ask you to leave or in the business world your boss may well say “You are fired!”

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The second theme occurs when the creatures tell Alice there is no room for her at the table, much like the first letter of rejection you might get when you start applying to college. Notice that it does not stop Alice, nor should it stop you.

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The third theme is related to the question, “Who Are You?” In college you will have to consider some very difficult questions, questions to which the professor herself does not know the answer, here presented in a comic version: “How is a Raven like a Writing Desk?”

This question prompts Alice and the creatures to discuss the precise meaning of the words they use, one of the subjects of the English classes you be required to take in college.

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A Mad Tea-Party

NARRATOR: There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. Alice thought…

ALICE: `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,'`only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'

NARRATOR: The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: when they saw Alice coming cried out:.

HATTER, HARE, DORMOUSE ALL TOGETHER: `No room! No room!'

ALICE `There's plenty of room!'

NARRATOR: and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.

HARE,: Have some wine,'

NARRATOR: Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.

ALICE ``I don't see any wine,'

HARE,: `There isn't any,'

ALICE ``Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,'

HARE,: `It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,'

ALICE ``I didn't know it was your table,' `it's laid for a great many more than three.'

HATTER,`Your hair wants cutting,'

NARRATOR: He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.

ALICE ` `You should learn not to make personal remarks,' `it's very rude.'

NARRATOR: The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, `

HATTER,: Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'

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HATTER, [turning to Alice again ] `Have you guessed the riddle yet?'

HATTER,ALICE ``No, I give it up,' `what's the answer?'

`I haven't the slightest idea,'

` HARE,: Nor I,'

ALICE ` `I think you might do something better with the time,' `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.'

HATTER,`If you knew Time as well as I do,' `you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him.'

ALICE ``I don't know what you mean,'

HATTER,`Of course you don't!' `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'

TIME enters , carrying a fairly large clock which he puts on the table next to the Hatter, and presents his posterior to Alice.

ALICE ``Perhaps not,' `but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.' Like this [she begins spanking TIME to a tune in her head]

TIME [leaves, rubbing his posterior]

HATTER,`Ah! that accounts for it,' `He won't stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock. [Takes up the clock in front of him and beguns changing the time on it] For instance, suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!'

HARE,: [in a whisper ] I only wish it was,'

ALICE ``That would be grand, certainly,' `but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'

HATTER,`Not at first, perhaps,' `but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.'

ALICE `Is that the way you manage?'

HATTER, `Not I!' `We quarrelled last March--just before he went mad, you know--' [pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,] `--it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing

ALL ACTORS SING ALONG: "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! How I wonder what you're at!"

HATTER; You know the song, perhaps?'

ALICE ``I've heard something like it,'

HATTER,`It goes on, you know,' `in this way:--

ALL ACTORS SING ALONG: "Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky. Twinkle, twinkle--"'

NARRATOR: Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.

DORMOUSE: `Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--'

HATTER,`Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' `when the Queen jumped up …..”

RED QUEEN: pops up next to the Hatter and threatens him, yelling, "He's murdering the time! Off with his head!"' [Red Queen disappears]

ALICE ``How dreadfully savage!'

HATTER,`And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, `he won't do a thing I ask! It's always six o'clock now.'

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ALICE `Alice, very much confused, `I don't think--'

HATTER,`Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.

NARRATOR: This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.

ALICE ``At any rate I'll never go there again!' said Alice as she picked her way through the wood. `It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!'

NARRATOR: Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into it.

`That's very curious!' she thought. `But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.'

NARRATOR: And in she went.

Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table. `Now, I'll manage better this time,' she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden.

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Queen Alice

PROFESSOR: the garden represents how pleasant college becomes when you catch on to how it works. In the next scene we see that the garden is laid out like chess board. As Alice moves on the chess board, we see her increasing mastery of all she needs to learn in college. She not only graduates with honors, she does on to become a great leader, perhaps a President, or ………

NARRATOR: Alice found that the garden was in the shape of a chess board with brooks dividing the playing squares. In chess, a pawn, the weakest piece, can become a queen by moving all the way across the chess board to the other side. Alice was almost there:

ALICE: `And now for the last brook, and to be a Queen! How grand it sounds!'

NARRATOR: A very few steps brought her to the edge of the brook.

ALICE: `The Eighth Square at last!'

NARRATOR: “she cried as she bounded across,” sat down triumphantly, and began to doze off.

PROFESSOR: [At this point the Professor sneaks up behind her and places the tiara on her head]

ALICE: `Oh, how glad I am to get here! And what IS this on my head?'” `But how CAN it have got there without my knowing it?'”

NARRATOR: Alice lifted it the item off her head, and set it on her lap to make out what it could possibly be. It was a golden crown.

NARRATOR: THE ULTIMATE END

ALL ACTORS GET UP A BOW TO THE AUDIENCE.