Tiger

Red Hawk

E603A World Literature

11 October 2011

Leave It To Chance

Sunday, April 25, 1993. Dallas Presbyterian Hospital. 3:39 pm. Six pounds, eight ounces. To Marcie and Josh. Congratulations, it’s a girl! What’s her name? C----- L---- M------. Eighteen and a half years later, this squirmy, screaming, unexpected infant is a Plan II honors student on the pre-medicine track at the University of Texas at Austin. She has blonde, curly hair and bright blue eyes. Five feet, three inches tall. One hundred and twenty-six pounds. She likes theatre, school and laughing. She can’t stand deadlines, green beans or Aggies. On paper, she appears involved and eloquent. In her soul, she’s a tiger.


My dad and his mom protectively cradling me


I could spend all day listing out the things that I love, loathe, think about, could care less about, my family, friends, and various opinions. Does that define my identity? Partially, yes. To me, an identity is composed of the concrete things that make “you” you– physical traits, opinions, relationships– and also of more abstract concepts – how you approach a relationship, personality, the lens through which you view life. After a cursory self-observation, I could tell you that I enjoy socializing, little details, good planning, persuading, punctuality, being in control, working, learning, listening, and talking. This, I know. I am fully aware I’m in the baby stages of maturation and that I have a long way to go and grow. Where I will go, how I will grow and how I’m going to get there remain a mystery to me. Fortunately, that’s where my tiger comes in.

They say the first step in fixing a problem is recognizing that there is one. I personally don’t see naïve youth as a problem whatsoever, but for the sake of the metaphor, let’s say it is. I do, in fact, recognize that I have several major steps to take to grow in order to become a functioning, high-performance adult in our society. The second step then normally would be to try to fix the “problem”. In the journey to solve my problem, Chance, my tiger spirit animal, emerged at the beginning of my college career to help guide me to maturity. This, I have no doubt about. The tiger as a power animal generally has associations with “passion, power, devotion, and sensuality”2, all of which are traits that I actually valued highly prior to meeting Chance.

Throughout my entire life, I’ve been (accurately) labeled passionate. At about age five, I was passionate about what color cup my dinner milk was in, whether or not I was correct, and macaroni and cheese. As I got older, the things that stirred my emotions became magazines, theatre, boys, school, making friends, gay rights, (hatred for) the Disney Vault, biology, directing and so forth. In nearly every aspect of life, somebody has told me, “Wow, you’re really passionate about this, aren’t you?” and I nearly always reply, “Well, yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Tying in with that fiery streak, devotion comes naturally and feverishly with me. I have very “all or nothing” tendencies, so when I truly care about something, I devote myself to it wholeheartedly and entirely. For example, getting into UT: I discovered the top ten percent rule in the seventh grade. From that point onward, everything I did for school was aimed at making that top ten percent target so that I was guaranteed admission into my dream school. Sure enough, of the fifty-one semester-long courses I took, only five were Bs – everything else was an A.

When the time came to actually make the transition from home and high school to college and independence, I was ready. I felt prepared, excited, and enthusiastic. Even after my parents left, I did not dwell on that bit of sadness for longer than approximately twenty minutes. The real culture shock hit me a week or so into classes after I realized the complete lack of a support system. Independence is a double-edged sword in that way- you’re free to do what you want, but you’re doing it entirely on your own. As a social butterfly and one of eight siblings, being on my own completely was a major shift in my lifestyle. Finding Chance honestly helped me to establish a new support system. I understand that everybody has their own power animal; I love that because “the animal world shows us”3, each and every one of us individually, “the potentials we can unfold”4. Already, my tiger has allowed me to use strength I didn’t realize I had in order to keep myself on track to reach my goals. Tigers generally are quite independent animals, living on their own except for mothers and their cubs. Even cubs grow up to reach independence quickly: they are “capable of feeding themselves [at] around sixteen months old”5. I believe that Chance’s natural inclination for independence lends itself to me, somebody who struggles to manage independence for the first time, and therein allowing her magic as a power animal to work within me.

As far as the power association goes, Chance and I are very different. Some say I can control a crowd fairly well and that I can seem intimidating (which I find quite amusing, considering my [lack of] height and generally bubbly personality), but for the most part, that trait lies more within Chance than it does within me. Honestly, power frightens me. I like to be in control, but only of myself, not so much of other people. Especially if the stakes are high, I try to avoid positions of power unless I know precisely how I can accomplish the group’s goals. Tigers tend not to seize power, but to just innately radiate it. The tiger’s aura of calm yet fierce control could enable me to improve in various aspects of my personality: the power to control my patience and temper, the power to focus and fine-tune my listening and compassion abilities, the power to steadfastly navigate stressful situations. The level of patience I have could definitely stand to expand, as could the tolerance level before I lose my temper. When tigers hunt, they quietly and patiently stalk their prey prior to attack. Similarly, to lead effectively, I need to learn to stay calm, collected and quiet in circumstances that tend to invoke my quick temper into an impassioned tirade that I later regret. In this way, the patience of the tiger counterbalances the passionate nature in near-perfect harmony.


With Chance by my metaphorical side, I’ve learned to “expect new adventures”7 around every corner. On top of beginning the so-hailed best years of my life (we’ll see: so far, the time I’ve spent here is indeed living up to the hype) here at UT, I’m also involved in Alpha Epsilon Delta, a pre-med honor society, and a play with Plan II’s Broccoli Project: all of the above have contributed to my daily adventures. There has yet to be a day where I don’t feel like I’ve done something new. Even deeper, both of these involvements have allowed me to make groups of friends that I have radically different things in common with. The tiger’s thirst for adventure teaches me how branching out of my comfort zone (my dorm room, cuddled up with my pillow, specifically) can lead to happiness.

Chance caters to two parts of me: the person that I am and the person that I aspire to become.  Ultimately, Chance will help the former morph to the latter. I plan to grow into a successful doctor or vet, a loving wife and mother, and a more patient, more adventurous, more actively empathetic person. Now that I have met Chance, I cannot imagine attempting to make the transformation without her there. As a tiger, Chance “hunts slowly and silently”8 to bring down prey much larger than her. Symbolically, this tells me that I muster up as much patience as is possible, and then some, and work diligently and I can achieve any goal that looms overhead, regardless of the size or magnitude. At this current point in time, the two biggest goals I have are a) getting into medical school and b) attempting to double major and include a minor, none of which have fields that overlap whatsoever. The passion that comes from a tiger totem combined with the work ethic and sense of adventure screams for success in the long run. If I find my passion and work towards it with passion, it will surely become an adventure. This sort of adventure comprises what we as humans have labeled a fulfilling life. When choosing a major or a job, everybody always says, “find what makes you happy and do that until you’re either unhappy or dead”. In my eyes, having Chance as a totem embodies that idea perfectly.

At the end of the day, I am still in the beginning stages of this massive period of change. Chance has provided me with a friend to make this transition with, a teacher for the lessons in patience and power that I have yet to learn, and a leader in passion and devotion. She exemplifies a majority of the traits that I believe are absolutely necessary to achieve success in today’s society. While I do possess some of these traits, they have yet to reach their full potential. I still have a ways to go, both on my own and with Chance leading the way. As a woman eighteen years young and ready to take on the world, I am honored to have my tiger Chance as my spiritual companion for this amazing journey.